Saturday, January 21, 2012
A Letter From My Heart
I went to write a tweet and it turned out way too long. So I figured I'd do this.
Everyday I look and hope to see that default blue & white facebook picture has turned back into you. It hasn't changed yet. And I know maybe I'm a fool and maybe I'm only hurting myself. But I can't help it. I'm hoping with all my heart that someday it will change. If only so I may have one more moment. These past few months have been difficult. But I don't want you or anyone to think i'm in a perpetual state of sadness. I am not. I am happy. I have great friends, family, and an overall great life. I just miss you. You are important to me. It's not creepy, its not obsessive, I just care about you. And that doesn't just vanish. It doesn't just go away. Not hearing a single word, having to simply interpret the silence as your answer is hard. It's hard for me to accept and it's hard for me to live with. Especially knowing you and the fact that I believe you when you said you'd never want to stop talking to me forever. So I wait. I hope.
I'm sorry that all I seem to post nowadays happens to be about this. It's only because I have no other outlet. This is the only place where I can not only express myself, but have the chance that it is read by the person it is meant for. Im sorry I just can't let go. I'm sorry if this upsets you, or if it upsets anyone else that is reading. But that is me. That is who Eric Shepperd is. When I care for someone, when I have these feelings, they don't go away. And silence does not deal a fatal blow to them. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't.
I am very aware I may never even get a simple "No" to give me closure, let along the reconnection that I hope for. And If not, I will eventually get over this. Not because I want to be, but because time unfortunately does its damage. I meant what I said though, I welcome a conversation even years from now. I will always care about you. I just hope that I hear from you. But, and I really am being honest here, I'd much rather you live a happy and healthy life than anything else. I've thought about it, and I'd easily give up any chance at a reconnection with you if I could guarantee you a happy and healthy life. I would do it in a heartbeat.
So I'm sorry for how my twitter feed has been. But I am not sorry for holding on. That is the person I am. Good or bad, that is me to the core. It may seem weird or creepy or whatever, but I am 100% genuine. I care about people and I am always truthful and real. This is me. This is who I am. I love life and I know I will go on to have a great life and great friendships. That isn't what this is about. This is about meeting a girl who inspired me beyond belief. A girl who I became an instant fan of, and a girl who'd I do anything for. This is about hope.
Thank you all for reading and letting me get this off my chest. I hope this one day somehow finds its way to the person it is meant for. Either way, I hope they know how much I care and that I miss them.
Life is not fair, but your strength blows me away. Never forget, that you choose to live. Thank you for being who you are.
From the bottom of my heart,